I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
