maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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