I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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