The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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