...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
