The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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