Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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