Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize