11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
