It's like God shit irony all over that family
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
