I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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