Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
