Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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