So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
