Midget sex pt 2 tonight
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
