What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
