like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Come on in and take your pants off
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