he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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