your parents love me but you hate me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
