New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Farmville is her only friend.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
