I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you didnt know i had herpes?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
