Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
