Your face is a jimmy john
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
