He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
