shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
