guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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