This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
