You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
