youre lurking in front of me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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