there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
