and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
