he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
