Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dick very happy bro
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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