Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
