Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i believe in u and ur pee
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
