Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize