I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
