Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize