you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
