oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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