So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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