I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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