You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
