So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
