Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
