Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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