I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
