i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
