**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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