Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
