Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
barbara walters just said penis...
Quick, to the slutcave!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
