I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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