dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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