I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
