you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
