so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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