Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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