I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
