I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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