Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
