U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
