happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
