I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
