Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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