it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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