am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
