Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
