I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
