I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
