He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
