Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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