I need to stop coming to work sober
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
